An election post-mortem

Look, I know some heads have been lost, and we expected that.

Mais c’est simple: this is an entirely understandable phenomenon mid-reign. The pitchforks and tumbrels are a message from the masses, and we get it. They want us, the ruling class, to get on and deal with the big issues. Issues like the cost of living.

But as one of my colleagues recently made clear, we can all still eat cake — it’s not just for La Reine! Shopping around the back streets for a no-frills boulangerie closing early on a Saturday afternoon may offer up untold bargains. Thrift is all!

And that woman who told a newspaper she must ride around in the back of a dung cart all day to keep warm? Isn’t she aware that it’s the ruling elite that created most of that dung, rather than simply throwing it out of the windows into the streets like animals! That was us! We did that!

To those who argue in dubious pamphlets for the removal of taxes on fuel, I say: who else would sink the millions of francs required to make colonisation of the new world the success it most certainly will be, if firewood was simply handed out on street corners instead? Tout le monde needs to think of the bigger picture!

I would also highlight many of the measures that we have made to reduce the burden of taxation on the masses, including a discount against la taille. My colleagues in the Ministère des Finances remind me that this is a one-time loan that must be repaid, of course, but in the wise words of Monsieur Tesco, “tout aide!”

Yes, I am aware that the feeling in quelques maisons is that the alleged partying of the ruling class during a time of national hardship was inappropriate, and I admit it may have contributed to the current ‘heads in basket’ situation.

To that, I can only once again offer apologies and remind those who were locked into their hovels during the recent plague that we were not aware of the rules and — if we were — we certainly didn't break them. Versailles is a place of serious business, not some party venue!

Finally, I would urge those now standing around me on the gantry to consider that France is at war with Austria, Prussia and in all possibility, Britain also. La France mondiale has many enemies abroad. Is now really the time to dispense with the Ancien Regime?

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