Politics is a “lifestyle choice”
A seat in parliament has become a “lifestyle choice” for many MPs, say voters frustrated about the mess on the streets around SW1
Taking a seat in the House of Commons has become a “lifestyle choice” for a large number of MPs, say voters, as politicians used to sleeping on green leather benches, arguing in wood-panelled offices and drinking in subsidised bars face an uncertain future at the next election.
Given that the UK’s Parliament is the world’s largest bicameral legislature, it’s hardly surprising that so many MPs call a street in London SW1 home.
But frustrated voters say it’s becoming hard to take a quick stroll through parliamentary democracy without being forced to step over a backbench MP fuming about food banks in a doorway or a Minister frothing at the lips about free speech to a tent full of think tank wonks.
With a general election only a year away and polls revealing a dramatic shift in voting intentions, MPs focused on their day-to-day survival have now been spotted roaming far from their coveted Westminster patches, offering their constituents empty coffee cups and tales of glowing pasts while pleading with strangers not to simply walk on by.
Some voters describe being subjected to incoherent rants about tax cuts and productivity from MPs high on spicy economic theory. Others have reported the pitiful sight of incapacitated MPs reduced to shadow-boxing with “the woke”, while a pathetic few insist on staying awake all night in case they are visited by a monstrous ‘Brexit dividend’.
“I have every sympathy for those who have ended up in the House of Commons,” said one voter, “…there has to be somewhere for them to stay.”
“I just wish they wouldn’t leave such a mess. And it doesn’t feel safe with so many of them around.”
The desperation of sitting MPs is mirrored in government, where cabinet ministers fuelled by the same fears of eviction are jockeying for positions. Ministers are using increasingly foul language in a bitter fight for the ultimate place to doss — Number 10, Downing Street.
Offering bilious opinions on everything from immigration to homelessness in a bid to appeal to a small number of hardcore followers, the battle to place a sleeping bag on the most exclusive slab of pavement in SW1 is well underway.
It is understood a number of ministers are determined to tie their dog’s string to the railings at the side of the famous black door, and cardboard is being folded all over Westminster as individuals get ready to stake their claims.
But in a sign that an exasperated electorate is losing patience with those who have set up camp in the Mother of all Parliaments and spend all day shouting at each other, there is growing demand for action.
This includes renewed calls for a ban on generous MPs’ expenses that currently cover the costs of running a second home.
“Removing MPs’ expenses sounds harsh, but you’ve got to be cruel to be kind,” said a voter. “If you give them money, they’ll just spend it on drugs, a duckhouse or having a driveway reshingled. Some even have the nerve to ‘employ’ family and friends.”
Those familiar with the situation say that allowing MPs to stay indefinitely on the streets of Westminster does them no service, as it discourages them from moving on and doing something meaningful with their lives.
“Despite so many being aloof narcissists, career failures and immoral spivs, a few politicians want to make a positive difference”, said a charity worker.”
“But given the limitations of a first-past-the-post system which holds party politics above consensus, the inadequacy of the ‘decent chap’ theory of government in our post-truth age, and a corrosive cynicism about politics in general that has been fed by the actions of politicians themselves, the chances of even well-meaning MPs making a difference in Westminster are pretty much nil.”
“Getting them off the benches and into the real world is therefore essential.”
