Helmets on re-entry are a matter of personal choice, says head of UK space programme
As the UK hurtles back to earth after its long journey into the loneliness of space, authorities are insisting that the decision to wear helmets and spacesuits is down to astronauts themselves.
“By backing out of mandating things, we’re encouraging astronauts to really get the data in their own hands to able to make the decisions on what’s best for them”, said the head of the UK’s ‘Spaced’ Programme, two-headed Sir Zaphod Beeblebrox.
He also said that astronauts pinged by the programme’s own Extra-Terrestrial Exposure App will not need to self isolate in a plastic bubble if suspected of alien contact, before later admitting that they might. Told that this would result in confusion, a spokesperson for what is more widely known as the UK’s ‘Galactic Shitshow Accelerator Programme’ later suggested it was a matter of personal choice.
Asked about billionaire Richard Branson’s recent amber-list busting adventure into space, the same spokesperson praised the Government’s furlough scheme for supporting experiments into how rictus grins perform in zero gravity.
“PPE is up to individual choice”, said Beeblebrox, citing an American billionaire astronaut’s choice of cowboy hat and boots on today’s mission to the Money Way (via his Own Arse), as a matter for him alone.
Another 19 people in the UK died today by plummeting to the earth from space, making a total of 129,000 since March 2020.