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Unleash the beast!

The UK is “walking into the unknown” as Doctor Frankenstein confirms plans to bring his monster to life

“It’s now or never”, claims the man at the centre of a controversial project that will bring an actual monster to life on July 19 — as he admits the creature is far from ready and could pose a threat to the public.

Doctor Frankenstein has been working on his creation for 18 months and plans to give the creature its freedom later this month “without fail.”

Only a short while ago the Doctor claimed his work would be “governed by data, not dates”, while previous attempts to bring the monster to life were delayed after objections from the local community. This time Frankenstein says his decision to go ahead is “irreversible”.

The Doctor says his monster has been patched together from multiple corpses and is only waiting on a large bolt to keep its head in place before being brought to life with 50,000 volts when a lever is thrown in a little under ten days.

“I have been focused solely on reanimation for ages, and it has kept me from other work,” says the Doctor. “It’s right that the monster is brought to life now, even if some of the science around the project is mixed.” Frankenstein accepts his plan may be “a little rough around the edges.” Yet scientists have described it as a “dangerous and unethical experiment.”

The Doctor admits the monster may present a threat to locals and could attack without warning. Only last month he confessed to spotting a mutation in the lab that could give the creature greater speed and strength. Challenged about the threat the monster poses to the public, the Doctor asks people to take “personal responsibility” and suggests they exercise as much caution as they find acceptable.

Pressed again over the weekend on his decision to go ahead, Frankenstein shows some frustration: “I am quite frankly bored of it all and just want to get the bloody thing over with, so I can concentrate on the lecture circuit instead.”

“It also makes more sense to release the damned thing now, during the long summer days, as opposed to the dark of mid-winter when it could be hiding around any corner, waiting to pounce.”

Frankenstein points out that much of the local townsfolk have now been issued a whistle to alert passers-by if the monster attacks. He concedes that some people have refused his offer and remain unprotected, while he defends the decision not to offer whistles to children because the monster would surely prefer “meatier prey”, and the children’s screams “should do the trick.”

With a sufficient number of locals now armed with a whistle, the Doctor believes any link between attack, hospitalisation and death has been severed. Only time will tell.

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James Tate

James Tate

27 Followers

A pick and mix of words; now online, better packaged and more expensive, like everything post-COVID. The sour cherries are best. The opinions are my own.