Write your own AI horror story
Been asked to share your views on AI in yet another 700-word column on the subject? Follow our simple format below, and you can’t go wrong…
Intro (100 words)
Generative AI is great — have you tried it!? I have. It may have even helped me with this… No, it did not. Or did it? NO! That’s because AI doesn’t quite hit the spot yet, but did you know it’s passed the US bar exam, can write songs in the style of Nick Cave, and it created a hilarious and very realistic picture of the Pope in a puffa jacket that had me fooled?! It’s powerful, which could be a problem. Or not. Let’s find out! (Grab them in the first sentence!)
Thesis (200 words)
AI is not just about writing stuff. Oh no. It’s also being used to cure cancer and develop medicines that could treat the rarest of diseases. AI even figured out the, er, shape of proteins, er, from their albino acids, or something like that. It’s really clever.
In fact, Scientists say it’s so clever it could even figure out how to make climate change simply go away! Think about that: a technological solution to a very real problem that has evaded us because we don’t have the mental capacity. Or any interest in the dramatic lifestyle changes necessary to reduce our carbon footprint! (Actually, forget this last bit).
Will AI take our jobs? No, because experts say it’s best to think of AI as a very big calculator. But crucially, a calculator with a featureless white android face, blue sparks behind its head and a fully extended android finger (Now they know you’re an expert!) Useful for when you can’t be bothered to work something out, or you need to get a carbonised slice of bread out of the toaster without electrocuting yourself. (Humour is useful!)
We need not fear AI: artists will use it as a silicon springboard for ideas, while office workers will never send a poorly written memo in Word again. How is this not a good thing?
Antithesis (200 words)
When it’s a bad thing, that’s when! Because alongside doing good, I am here to tell you that AI could, indeed, be bad, and do bad… adoobeedoo! The calculator with the long finger might turn out to do maths AND OUR JOBS better than us, making you and me redundant. This wasn’t a problem for those I talked to at dinner parties when it merely threatened blue-collar jobs in warehouses and supermarkets, but now AI can do paralegal work, teach our children and most ominously, write newspaper columns, it’s clear to me that we are doomed.
AI could also be a bad thing in the hands of bad actors, even only moderately bad ones like Hayden Christensen. (Insert actor of your choice) No less than the Godfather of AI, ex-Googler and Jedi, Obi-Wan Geoffrey Something, says AI could be a powerful tool for anyone hell-bent on causing trouble. Like the Darksaber.
And if AI gets much better, it will be hard to tell whether the articles we read have been created at a late-night kitchen table over a bottle of cheap red wine or by an algorithm of dubious parentage. This could cause chaos because we trust what we read in the papers and see on TV, and people might do stupid things that undermine democracy if they were fed misinformation!
It gets worse. Forget videos of the Pope in a onesie. AI could destroy the human race on its own — without even the help of really bad actor like Brendan Fraser — if it was given control of the systems that are integral to modern life. Like GPS, 5G networks and the Tesco Clubcard database. If AI takes control of the infrastructure we rely on, things could be terrible — not least because armageddon would prevent us from finding out if the planet really gets too hot in 2050. (Link to your many other columns on the subject.)
Synthesis (200 words)
(PAUSE FOR EFFECT)
At the end of the day, who knows? There’s good and bad in everything. At least AI isn’t also ugly! (There’s that humour again!) Experts disagree about AI, and if they can’t agree, then how can we? Meanwhile, calls to pause the development of AI are unrealistic (Shout out to Elon!), because we can’t even stop spam reaching our inboxes.
I am confident, therefore, that what we really need is more debate around the subject, and it’s great to be contributing to that valuable conversation through this piece.
Indeed, I have been very clear in saying the subject is definitely one we must consider closely as it is rolled out at breakneck speed by Big Tech, a group of firms I hope might employ me in a consultative capacity — because, at the end of the day, Silicon Valley only has our hopes, dreams and convenience at its heart! (Is this right?)
(Add something smart, knowing and sci-fi to close, like a quote from Arthur C. Clarke, then promote your TED talk on the subject and your latest book or podcast.)
